


We Were Born Sick; You Heard Them Say It

by orphan_account



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Telepathy, set a while after 2x08
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-01 12:16:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10189721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It seems out of the blue that Lena's music box shatters - something she's had ever since she can remember. Since then, strange and inexplicable incidents surround her. Waking up from nightmares to find things destroyed, though she never left her bed. A barrage of people's words that they never spoke. Others able to hear her thoughts. It's a relief that Kara knows a telepath who can help her learn to control it, but what in the world is happening to her?





	1. The Light of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this during the winter hiatus, thinking about Lena's powers in the comics and inspired a tiny bit by season 1-2 Morgana (from Merlin).  
> Lena is not biologically a Luthor here. I started writing this during the winter hiatus (between 2x08 and 2x09), so it uses the headcanons I had about Lena's birth family as a starting point for the premise. Normally when I haven't posted something yet and canon turns out to contradict something in it, I just tweak it, but I was already 25k words in when Luthors aired and there's just no way I could make it work with Lena being Lionel's biological daughter, so I'm rolling with it since it's AU to begin with anyway.  
> I have the first 9 chapters all written out, but I'll most likely post once a week so I have time to work on the upcoming chapters. This month and April is going to be hectic, so if I post once a week I'll have enough to get me through to the end of the semester.

            With her mother imprisoned, there were certain things that needed to be taken care of. Lena didn’t have access to Cadmus – didn’t even know where they were, let alone have the means to access their facility – but her mother had kept some things elsewhere. The files on her mother’s computer. The unfinished experimental anti-alien devices she had managed to develop with L-Corp’s technology, right under Lena’s nose. The anti-alien tools she used in those devices. She wanted to analyze them, to figure out what Cadmus was going to do next and what was at their disposal so she could help in the fight against them. More importantly, she had no idea how to safely destroy them, to make sure that there was no way any of the substances involved could hurt any innocent aliens. In the wrong hands, they could be deadly, as they had been intended to be. So for now, she took them home and put them in a safe.

            She closed the door to her safe, locked it, and got ready for bed. She had stayed at work until late as usual, and had been delayer further by going through her mother’s things. Now she just wanted to sleep.

            Lena had a nightmare that night. Nothing unusual for her, unfortunately. That was, until she woke up to a sound like glass shattering. She shot straight up in bed, turning on a lamp and looking around for the source of the noise. To her relief, the room was empty save for her, but she saw shards littered on her wardrobe and floor. …Whatever it was, had it just broken out of the blue? How strange.

            Then she realized what it was that had broken, and she bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes. It was a music box she had had her entire life. She couldn’t remember receiving it, just that she had always had it. She remembered being told it was something of hers from her birth parents. The ones that died when she was barely a toddler. It looked to be made out of glass, which seemed a strange thing to give to such a young child, but it had proved far sturdier than it seemed, staying in one piece even when she had dropped it. Maybe that was why it had broken now.

            Whatever the reason, it was the one and only thing she had of her birth parents. She didn’t even have their memory. Not even the name they had given her.

            Maybe it was silly to get upset over a memento from people she couldn’t even remember, but it was more than that to her. It was proof that the parents who had given birth to her had loved her. They had died – how, she didn’t know, because nobody had ever thought that necessary information for a toddler and if the Luthors knew they certainly wouldn’t tell her – so it wasn’t as though they had wanted to abandon her. And they had loved her.

           As a little girl, whenever she had been feeling particularly lonely and unloved, she would listen to the melody. She had never been able to identify it, but it had been comforting. Perhaps something her birth mother had hummed or sang to her as a baby.

            And now it was in shards. She took a deep breath, telling herself there was no use crying over spilt milk, and got a broom and dustpan to clean up the shards before she had the chance to step on them in the morning.

            It was then that she noticed a small piece of paper. It was among the shards littered on the ground, but… that was impossible, wasn’t it? Where could the note have fit, unless it had somehow been _within_ the music box – which was obviously impossible? Regardless, she picked it up.

            _Our dear Ciara,_ it began in neat handwriting. Her eyes grew wet again as she read the name she had all but forgotten. The name her parents had taken away from her, because she was Lena now, Lena Luthor, and she was expected to fit into the family.

            _If you are reading this, then we are so sorry. We hope you have someone in your life who can guide you. Know that you have always been the light of our lives, and we will forever be watching over you._

_Love always, Mom and Dad._

            She couldn’t help it: she started to cry, hugging the paper to her chest.

            But Lena was afraid of tearing the letter, which must have been nearly two and a half decades old. She didn’t even want to wrinkle it. Once she had calmed, she carefully put it with some other important documents. Tomorrow, she would scan it so that even if something happened to the physical copy, she would have something left. For now, she continued cleaning up the shards from the music box.

            For tonight, she didn’t have the heart to throw them away. There was no point in keeping them, but the idea of chucking them in the trash was painful. She decided to deal with it in the morning.

            Once she had climbed back into bed, she looked at the clock on her phone. It was a little after 3 in the morning. Theoretically, she had almost an hour and a half she could still sleep, but she doubted she was going to be able to do that at this point. Her heart still ached.

            She looked through her text messages. She only had texts from two people. One was Jess, and they were straightforward and professional, only used to notify each other of business-related things. The other was Kara. She couldn’t help but to open the conversation. The last two texts were Kara inviting her over for pizza and a movie, and herself agreeing. To this day – granted it was only a few days later – she wondered if it had been intended as a date or as friends. She guessed the latter, and she was okay with that. She did hope to become more than friends with Kara, but she was also completely happy with just her friendship.

            _We hope you have someone in your life who can guide you._ Those words lingered in her mind. She wouldn’t say that Kara guided her, per se, but she did know she could count on her. She typed out a message. “ _Kara? Thank you for being my friend._ ” It was simple and more heartfelt than mere words could convey, but also felt silly. She started to touch the end of the sentence to delete her words…

            …and accidentally sent the message. _Shit_. Okay, Kara was bound to be asleep, which meant she had the chance to at least clarify. After some thought of what she wanted to say, she began to write, “ _Sorry. I’m having trouble getting back to sleep and I guess I just got sentimental._ ” Before she could finish, however…

            _Incoming call: Kara Danvers_

So much for that. Well, nothing to do but to answer now. “Hey. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

            “No, it’s okay.” She sounded sleepy, like she was still only half awake. “I mean, I am. Are you?”

            She smiled softly. Kara was so adorable. But more than that, she deeply appreciated the genuine concern Kara was offering, despite having been woken up. “I’m alright. I’m just having trouble getting back to sleep and got sentimental. I didn’t realize it would wake you though.”

            “Light sleeper. But don’t worry about that.” She smiled, though she knew Lena couldn’t see her. It came through in her voice. “I’m glad you’re my friend, too.”

            Lena felt so vulnerable right now – exposed. But in a way, she also felt safe. Because she trusted Kara. She adjusted her pillow, sitting up and leaning against the headrest of her bed, tenting her knees. “Thank you. It means a lot to me,” she murmured.

            She thought it over before venturing, “Is there anything you want to talk about?” She was starting to feel a little more awake now, and she knew that Lena probably hadn’t ‘gotten sentimental’ out of the blue.

            She leaned her head back. “Nothing that’s really suitable for…” She moved her phone just enough away to see the time. “…almost 3:30 in the morning. I should let you get back to sleep.”

            Kara shook her head. Wait, that was pointless. “It’s fine. Really. Do you want me to come over?” She had noticed that Lena tended to initiate most conversations face-to-face, and she could only guess it to indicate a preference for them.

            It was tempting to take Kara up on her offer, but it was late. Granted, Kara had already said multiple times that she didn’t mind having been woken, but still, she didn’t want to ask too much of her. “How about tomorrow?”

            “Sure. Do you want me to come by your office? Or do you want to come over to my place when you’re done with work? Or you could text me and I can come over to yours?”

            How did she ever get so lucky as to have a friend like her? “Maybe your place?”

            “Okay. I’ll have lots of ice cream ready and waiting!”

            “Thank you.” For being so understanding. For being so kind. For being her friend. Honestly? She couldn’t help but to think that Kara was the light of her life. It would be far too forward to say that, so she just smiled to herself.

            “It’s nothing, really. But you’re welcome.”

            “Goodnight, Kara.”

            There was something strangely intimate about this right now. “Goodnight, Lena,” she echoed, voice warm.

            She ended the call, wondering if maybe she would be able to sleep after all.

            It turned out she wasn’t, but at least the ache in her chest wasn’t so bad anymore. At 4, she gave up, turned off her alarm, scanned the letter, and made breakfast. Though she was tired, she held off on coffee, knowing Jess would have one waiting for her when she got to work. She might end up needing some extra caffeine today, if she had too many meetings, but the last thing she needed was to overdo it and crash.

            At least she had seeing Kara to look forward to tonight. No matter how she had been feeling and how things had been going, seeing Kara never failed to make her day brighter. The woman was like a ball of sunshine.

            “You’ve got it bad, Lena,” she chuckled to herself. One of these days she wanted to invite Kara out and ask for it to be a date, but she was sort of hoping to find out whether Kara was even interested in women in the first place before taking that plunge. She didn’t want to mess up one of the only two friendships she had – that was, Kara and Supergirl. But somehow… she trusted Kara. Trusted her not to break off their friendship even if her feelings were unreciprocated, so long as she made it clear she was more than happy to stay friends.

            Maybe someday. Maybe someday soon. Not tonight. But sometime, when she had the perfect date all planned out… then she might. For right now, she was content to leave things as they were.


	2. And If Time Stood Still

            A knock sounded. Kara glanced at the door, using her x-ray vision, and saw it to be Lena. She beamed, jumping up and just barely remembering to put her glasses on. “Lena, hi!”

            “Hi,” she returned. She couldn’t help but to smile warmly at her friend, but she also couldn’t help the hesitation at knowing she had come here for the sole purpose to open up, talk about her feelings. That wasn’t exactly her specialty. It was only with Kara that she felt safe and comfortable enough to do that with, making this… a first, really.

            Kara gestured toward the couch, indicating that they could sit and talk. “Want ice cream, or later?”

            “Later, please,” she requested. When she had things on her mind, she tended not to be particularly interested in eating. That was a bit of a problem sometimes. It was fortunate that Jess had figured that out some time ago and always made sure she at least ate lunch.

            “Okay.” She sat down on the couch, settling in next to Lena. “So… what’s up?”

            She looked down as she admitted, “It’s going to sound silly.”

            “That’s okay.” She smiled. “You’re allowed to be upset about silly things.”

            Lena looked at her a long while, feeling touched. “You’re the only one who’s ever told me that,” she confessed. It was a little hard for her to internalize that, but if Kara said it was okay, then maybe, as long as she was with Kara, it was okay.

            Feeling an instinctive need to reassure her, Kara put a hand over one of Lena’s.

            “I’ve had this music box,” she started, watching Kara’s reaction. “It’s… something I’ve had my whole life, before I can even remember. It was something from my birth parents…”

            Without thinking about it, she moved her hand to hold Lena’s. She knew how important a memento like that was, but also that the memories it brought back could sometimes be painful.

            Lena gave Kara’s hand a small squeeze, remembering that Kara had lost her parents as well. She didn’t know whether Kara even had any mementos like that, and if so, she wholeheartedly hoped they were still intact. But it was nice to know Kara understood. “Last night, I don’t know what happened, but – it was made out of glass I think – it just… shattered.”

            She thought of the necklace from her mother and how important it was to her. How devastated she would be if something happened to it. “I’m sorry. And that’s not silly at all.”

            She smiled, though there was a tinge of uncertainty to it, still judging herself for being upset. Still, she felt unbelievably fortunate to have Kara by her side. “The strange thing is, there was a letter with the shards. I don’t really know how. It’s like it had been encased in the glass somehow.”

            Kara waited for her to continue, but when Lena said nothing a while, she prompted lightly. “A letter?”

            She nodded. “Actually, I…” She got her phone out from her pocket. “I scanned it, so that I would always have a copy.” Still not releasing Kara’s hand, she used her other to navigate her phone, opening her files and going to the scanned letter. She handed it to Kara to read, though she unconsciously tightened her hold on Kara’s hand.

            Kara took the cue, taking the phone only in her other hand, not letting go. She would never let go when Lena didn’t want her to.

           “Ah… I should mention, the letter… It’s addressed to ‘Ciara’…” She wrapped her free arm around her body, unable to properly cross her arms without letting go of Kara’s hand but finding too much security in the contact to want to release it. Her mother forbade her from using that name. Told her not to even think of it in association with herself, because it wasn’t who she was anymore. It felt foreign on her lips now, and strange – perhaps even wrong – to describe it as her name. The awkwardness came through in her voice as she said, “My name wasn’t always Lena.”

            Lena seemed somehow conflicted and uncomfortable about it. She wanted to ask, but now didn’t seem the time to push. For now, she just squeezed her hand and said, “Okay.” When Lena said nothing else, she started to read the letter.

            She watched Kara read it, nervous, though she didn’t quite know why.

            It was short and didn’t take long to read through, but there was a lot captured in that letter. “Oh, wow,” she said softly when she had finished. “How are you feeling about it?” She knew what she thought about it, but that wasn’t as important. Not compared to how Lena felt about it.

            “I wish the music box hadn’t broken,” she admitted. “I never was able to figure out what song it was. It always felt familiar but I was never able to find it.” Even when she looked for old Irish language songs, old Gaelic songs… “But what’s done is done. And the letter really is beautiful…” She looked down, her thoughts growing heavy. Wishing she could remember them. Wondering how they had died, and why they seemed to have known it was coming. Knowing how angry she would have been when she was younger if she had found out they knew they would die and chose to save her instead of taking her with them. Remembering how much the music box’s melody had meant to her, and now the memory could just fade away, like that of her birth parents’ faces and voices.

            A heavy silence washed over them. Kara couldn’t tell what was on Lena’s mind, but she could tell it wasn’t anything pleasant. Finally, she gently tugged Lena into a hug from the side. Lena allowed it, letting her head rest of Kara’s chest, so she put her other arm around her as well and began to stroke her hair. It was so long and gorgeous that she would be lying if she said she hadn’t always wanted to do this, though she wished Lena wasn’t hurting.

            It felt a little strange to be held in this way, and she had initially only agreed to the unfamiliar position because she didn’t want to refuse her. But there was something nice about it, once she was actually there. It seemed a little too intimate for friends, she couldn’t help but to think. Then again, Kara was an affectionate person. And really, Lena thought, what did she know about friends? The number she had had throughout her entire life could be counted on one hand.

            “Will you tell me how the song went?”

            She was a little surprised by the request. “I don’t think I can do it any justice. I’m not really a good singer in the first place…”

            “That’s okay.” It was more for Lena’s sake than her own that she wanted to hear it. If Lena had never been able to identify it, she really doubted she would be able to. But she was curious what it sounded like, and more importantly, she thought it might make Lena feel better.

            She let her eyes fall closed, then started to hum. It had been a while since she had listened to it, she realized, but she still remembered it vividly. Whether it would always be that vivid or not, though, she didn’t know.

            It was a lovely song, Kara thought, still stroking Lena’s hair. She could feel her start to relax some.

            She hummed the song a few times, not sure where it began or stopped, but after she looped past a particularly recognizable part once more, she decided to leave it be for now. Admittedly, she felt a lot calmer now.

            “That was beautiful,” she murmured. There was something strangely familiar to it, but she couldn’t place it either. Like it was something she had heard a long time ago.

            “Thank you.” After a moment’s consideration, she realized something belatedly. She had been so wrapped up in the mystery of the letter that it hadn’t occurred to her until now. “I wonder, if I brought the piece with the music on it, if some sort of shop could put it in a new box.” She wondered if she would even want that, though. The song was a part of the box, and having it separate might just be more painful.

            “Want to look into it sometime?”

            She could hear the smile in Kara’s voice. It was an invitation to go together. “Maybe. I have to think about whether I really want it without the box.”

            “That makes sense.”

            Tiredness was beginning to wash over her, now that she was feeling relaxed, considering she had only gotten a few hours of sleep last night. Kara stroking her hair wasn’t exactly keeping her awake, either. She sat up, pulling away even though she would have gladly stayed like that for as long as she could. “I know I said we could have ice cream together, but the truth is I’m pretty tired.”

            She could see that Lena regretted having to cancel the plans, but it really hadn’t been anything set in stone, and it had been to cheer her up more than anything else. “Raincheck, then?”

            “I would like that,” she said softly. “Thank you for listening.”

            Kara smiled brightly. “Hey, what are friends for?”

            _I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had one like you before._ She chose not to voice those thoughts, instead just smiling back. Whether she had one before or not didn’t matter. She did now, and nothing could ever be more important to her.

            “Well, I hope you have better luck with sleep tonight. And if not, and you want to talk… I’m always available. No matter what time it is.”

            “Thank you.” Pushing back memories of a little girl trying to hug her mother and being rejected time and time again, she reached out, opening her arms.

            Kara easily accepted, hugging her close. She would never reject Lena.

            Lena lingered as long as she dared, but eventually made herself pull away. “Alright. Let’s talk again soon, okay?”

            “Always.”

            That word had proved unreliable on so many occasions that she was afraid to put her trust in it, even from Kara. Because in the end, everybody always left. But… it would be nice. Nothing would make her happier than for Kara to continue being the exception. For now, she just smiled and left.

            Once she was back home, she went to the plastic bag where she had wrapped up the shards, which she still hadn’t had the heart to throw away, and tore it open. The musical part was still in there, hopefully undamaged. Unfortunately, it was just her luck that it would be buried under shards of the box. This was what she got for not thinking of this last night, she figured. She carefully reached in and tried to fish it out without—

            _Sharp!_ Lena immediately withdrew her hand on reflex, feeling something pierce her skin. She looked at it, trying to assess how deep the injury was… but there was nothing. She could have sworn what she felt, but there was no evidence of it. Confused, she ran the fingers of her other hand over the spot where she thought she remembered the feeling. It didn’t even hurt. Had it been her imagination?

            Deciding to chalk it up to lack of sleep, though she wasn’t sure how the cause and effect would work there, she returned to her task, this time safely retrieving the object. She thought about throwing away the box’s shards, but decided to wait a little longer. She really doubted there was any chance of being able to put it back together, but did she want to hold out hope? Instead of staying up even later, possibly spending upwards of an hour thinking too much and being even more exhausted tomorrow, she decided to sleep on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay fun fact time, the first time I read through what I have about a week ago to decide whether it was good enough to post, I saw the exchange and the end of Lena's visit and practically screamed. The part where Lena thanks Kara for listening, and Kara says, "Hey, what are friends for?" and Lena thinks, "I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had one like you before." Because it's SO similar to the end of Luthors, but I had it in there like two months before Luthors aired...


	3. Already Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lack of update last week! Things have been hectic -- I freaking quit my job last Friday (well, put in my two weeks' notice), and we're approaching the end of the semester at school, so as you can probably guess I've had other things on my mind. On the bright side, I'm now working on chapter 12 already. Still no idea how long the fic will be in the end, but it's around 25k words right now.  
> Oh -- as for this chapter, I want to be clear that we're really following Lena's perspective right now. So when she doesn't know what's going on, the narrative isn't going to reveal it either. Otherwise there wouldn't really be any mystery, y'know? But certain things from this chapter will make more sense in light of chapters 4 and 5.  
> Also, I'm laughing because I had Snapper say something that was almost exactly like something he said in a recent episode... but written months before the episode! Kara still works at CatCo here, by the way, since again, the first 10-ish chapters were written during the hiatus after 2x08.

            The next morning, Lena threw the shards away, save for one just so she could remember the color. Even if the box could be reconstructed, she felt like it would be different. Besides, she suspected that even if she found a genius crafter, there was no putting it back together. At least not as it had been. No, she should just accept the loss and move on. She sighed, running a hand through her hair, which she had yet to put up. It was only once the shards had been taken out to the dumpster that she finished getting ready for the day. Out of sight, out of mind, she hoped. Maybe not now, but soon enough.

            It wasn’t the best of ways to start her day. She was usually fairly good at compartmentalizing things, so long as they weren’t too devastating, but the stress seemed to linger. She had forgotten about it on the way there, but the second she stepped foot into the L-Corp building, it came back full-force.

            “Jess, what’s on my schedule for today?” she asked as she accepted her morning coffee.

            “You have a meeting at 9. That’s all that’s scheduled. Is everything alright, Ms. Luthor?” Jess had worked for her long enough to know when something was on her mind, and she could tell that right now was one of those times.

            She smiled, because it wasn’t Jess’ fault she was stressed. If she came across as a bit terse when stressed she couldn’t always help it, but she made an effort not to take things out on people who had nothing to do with it. God knew she had borne the brunt of that too many times from her mother. “Yes. I’m just a bit stressed.”

            She offered a reassuring smile. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

            “Thank you.” That did make her feel better, somehow. She supposed it was just nice to feel supported.

            When she went to her office, she dove into projects and paperwork. There was always more to do. She couldn’t say that there was never a dull moment, but there certainly was never a shortage of things she could take care of. Fortunately, there was something sort of nice about the monotony of certain types of paperwork. The ones that didn’t require too much thought provided a distraction from her stresses, of which there were always plenty. And once she was done with them, it meant she had that much less to do.

            Jess brought lunch at the usual time. She had learned long ago that if she asked Lena what she wanted, the answer would pretty much always be that anything was fine, so unless Lena told her she was in the mood for something specific, she usually just took it upon herself. Lena rarely voiced much opinion on the matter, but Jess had managed to pick up on some of her preferences over the months.

            Lena smiled when she heard Jess come in, noticing the clock. Jess brought her lunch at the same time every day, save for when she was in a meeting at the usual time.

            She put the food on Lena’s desk, out of the way of the papers, then sat on the couch. This was an established routine, after Jess had learned that when Lena was stressed, upset, or just particularly busy she tended to neglect to actually eat. On days when she had noticed that, she would stick around until Lena had eaten.

            Though it had never been stated, she knew why Jess lingered, and she appreciated it. A foreign feeling though it was, it felt nice to be looked after a little bit. She wasn’t as neglectful about it as she used to be, but maybe some of that was because it had simply become habit.

            Lena was just beginning to eat when she heard someone knock – for only a moment before letting themselves in anyway. There was only one person with that tendency, and she couldn’t help but to grin as Kara stepped into the room.

            “Lena, hi! I hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

            “No, not at all. Come in.” Kara was never interrupting anything. Not in her eyes. “Is there something I can help you with?”

            Kara shook her head, coming to Lena’s desk and pulling up a chair to sit opposite her, as she usually did when she dropped by. “No, just thought I’d come visit.”

            “I’ll leave you two to talk,” Jess said, standing and heading for the door. “Let me know if you need anything.”

            “Of course. –Oh, Kara, have you had lunch?”

            The idea of food was something that appealed to her no matter how recently she had eaten, but she nodded. “I actually figured you’d probably be having lunch too, so I brought some.” She dug into her bag and retrieved a takeout bag from Noonan’s. “I brought some pastries for you, too.”

            She smiled. Being with Kara always felt so warm. Maybe it was because she had been so stressed today, but it seemed that way right now more than ever. “Thank you, Kara.”

            Jess couldn’t help but to smile as she left the office, leaving the two of them alone. She knew she was leaving Lena in good hands with Kara.

            “How are you?”

            She could see the honesty behind Kara’s question. There were many people who asked that question – not so much of her, as many didn’t even bother pretending to care – but few who truly meant it in the way Kara did. “Better,” she said, her ever-present-around-Kara smile softening. Better last night than she had been the night before. Better now than she had been the rest of the day. “And you?”

            “I’m glad,” she said, before thinking over her own response. “I’m pretty good. Snapper is being, well, Snapper, but I’m getting used to him.”

            “What’s he up to now?” Lena asked, automatically wondering if there was anything she could do to help.

            “Being a jerk-guy as always!”

            She chuckled. “Jerk-guy?”

            Kara looked startled, then blushed. “Sorry, I must’ve been thinking out loud.” She adjusted her glasses. “That’s, um, kind of what Alex and I call him sometimes. Anyway, he never likes my articles. Now he thinks I source Supergirl too much,” she said with a small huff. “When Cat was in charge, there probably would’ve been no such thing! And I guess maybe I should stop doing it so much – before someone gets suspicious – yeah, but who knows what’s going on in National City, and what _she does_ , better than her?”

            “Suspicious of what?” Lena asked, confused.

            Wow, she was sure blowing her cover today. “Uh- um. You know. Whether I know her, or- or whether I’m just making things up.” She laughed nervously. “I guess I must be more bothered than I thought, blurting everything out. Sorry!”

            _You never have to apologize to me for that_ , she thought, fighting back a blush at how overly sentimental she apparently still was. Her heart was beating faster, undoubtedly at the prospect of saying something to Kara that would perhaps make her feelings quite obvious. “It’s okay. I’m always happy to lend an ear.”

            Fortunately for Kara, before she ended up revealing her secret, her phone went off. It was still in her hand, so she took a look at the caller ID. If Alex was calling in the middle of the day… well, that usually only meant one thing. “I’m sorry, it’s Alex. I need to take this.”

            She gave a small wave of her hand. “I understand, don’t worry.”

            Kara stepped to the other side of the office, where she should be out of Lena’s earshot. “Hey,” she said to Alex.

            “Hey. How soon can you get here? There’s a—situation.”

            She recognized that tone. It was Alex’s ‘don’t panic but also it’s an emergency’ tone. “I’m on my way.” She ended the call, turning to Lena, an apology in her eyes.

            Lena saw the apology and shook her head. It wasn’t the first time Kara had needed to rush out because of an emergency with Alex, and while she sort of knew there was something going on Kara wasn’t telling her, she wasn’t too bothered. It could be something about Alex that it wasn’t Kara’s place to tell. “Don’t worry about it.”

            “I’ll stop by again tomorrow, okay? But- yeah, I really need to go.” She put the Noonan’s bag on Lena’s desk and put the pastries she had gotten her on Lena’s plate. “I’ll see you tomorrow, or sooner, you know, if you need anything, but for now—”

            Kara was rambling out her apology, but really, Lena wasn’t upset. Worried, yes, for whatever had come up that she needed to attend to so desperately, but things came up and she understood that. “It’s fine, Kara. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

            She flashed her one last smile before taking off.

            Normally, Lena’s good mood lingered a while after Kara left – often the rest of the day, as long as nothing too bad happened. Apparently her mood was just determined to sour today, though, because the stress quickly sunk back in. Oh well. Stress was nothing new to her and she was used to dealing with it.

            At the end of the day she returned to her building. In the hall, she heard a woman’s boyfriend breaking up with her. A private moment, and not one she wanted to overhear. She went into her apartment, sitting on the couch and planning to read the book she had started last night and then eat dinner later.

            But… it was strange. Something about it must have stirred up old emotions in her, she thought. She had barely taken off her shoes when feelings of rejection and heartbreak washed over her. Why, she couldn’t figure out. She had never reacted to something that didn’t involve her so personally, and she didn’t really think she had much reason to be feeling heartbroken, anyway. She had experienced enough rejection in her life that it didn’t feel so strange to experience that feeling all but out of the blue, but heartbreak? It was strange.

            She tried to shake it off, but the feeling only seemed to grow more intense. Soon her arms were crossed and she was fighting back tears. It was almost like she had been broken up with herself. Why? Why was she feeling like this?

            Whatever the reason, she wasn’t just going to sit around and deal with it. Lena stood, gathering her things again and heading right back out the door.

            She wasn’t sure where she was going. She thought about going to see Kara, but to impose on her two days in a row? And when she honestly couldn’t think of a single reason to be as upset as she was right now? She couldn’t bring herself to do it.

            A bar, she decided. Something to take her mind off things. There was one she sometimes visited not terribly far from her building. It was within walking distance.

            She headed over, but as soon as she opened the door, she felt like she got hit by a ton of bricks. She had started to feel better, perhaps because of the fresh night air or something, but it suddenly seemed to catch up to her, along with a myriad of other feelings. Anger, stress, sadness, happiness, love, and heartbreak somehow managed to all blend into one ball of emotion, and it made her feel a bit sick. She had never had a drinking problem or any other reason to feel that way, but whatever the cause, she wanted to get away from the bar right this second.

            Lena left and decided to go to the park nearby to unwind, since apparently nowhere else was going to work for her tonight. At least she had her tablet in her bag, with unlimited data and a handful of eBooks. Taking a seat on a bench, she finally felt calm again. It really was strange though. It wasn’t like her to get so very emotional for no reason whatsoever. Stressed, sure. She was a CEO; there was always something to be stressed about. But the rest of it was just… odd.

            Maybe she was still reeling from the lack of sleep the other night. That explanation didn’t make sense either. There had been other times in the past she would wake up from a nightmare and not be able to get back to sleep, especially right after Lex tried to have her killed, and it had never had her reacting like this.

            Whatever it was, there was probably nothing she could do about it. But like many things, she assumed it would pass eventually. No use in worrying too much about something she couldn’t do anything about, either.

            She spent a few hours reading in the park, and when it was late and Lena was tired enough she knew she could fall asleep quickly, she went home.


	4. Having a Day from Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! To be quite honest, I almost didn't even have time to upload this week.
> 
> Anyway, quick note that things get intense in this chapter. Take care of yourselves.

            _The helicopter spiraled toward the ground. Lex wanted her dead and at this rate she was sure he would get his way. Her heart pounded as she looked around for the savior she knew should be there._

_Lena’s eyes fell on Supergirl, the woman she could always count on to save her—but Supergirl’s eyes were angry, narrowed in a glare._

_“A Luthor,” she spat out before flying away._

_“Please don’t leave me!” she screamed, hoping her words could reach her. The woman she had considered a friend. She started to say it again when the helicopter exploded—_

            “Don’t leave me!” With that shout, Lena bolted up in bed. It was just a dream… just a dream… she reminded herself, trying to calm her heart that threatened to escape her chest. She was shaking and felt sick. Though she had had more than her fair share of nightmares, they were usually not so vivid, and she had never actually woken up screaming before. Most of it was par for the course, but the helicopter exploding… She could have sworn she really heard it. Felt the impact, even.

            But she wasn’t in any physical pain. She hadn’t been injured, so it couldn’t have been anything but a dream.

            And Supergirl didn’t think that of her, right? That she was just a Luthor?

            Honestly, those were the nightmares that got to her the most. Dreams about Kara or Supergirl rejecting her, or worse, being hurt or killed.

            But it wasn’t real. It was just a dream.

            Lena put her face in her hands a while, just focusing on breathing and grounding herself in reality. In the waking world.

            There wasn’t going to be anymore sleep for her tonight, she suspected. Certainly not for a while. When she wasn’t shaking and her pulse had slowed, she decided to go watch a movie or something.

            She swung her legs over the side of the bed, but abruptly stilled when her feet made contact with something that was not the carpet. Cold, smooth, and _on_ the carpet… but she couldn’t tell what it was. Her heartbeat picking up again, she turned on the lamp.

            It was a chunk of wood. What the hell…?

            With a sinking feeling, she pulled her legs back onto the bed and looked around the room. There was chaos all around her.

            The storm window was still attached evidencing no break-in, but the windowpane had shattered. Her _dresser_ was in pieces, and everything decorative on top of it was broken, either from whatever had broken it in the first place or from falling off.

            She heard people from nearby apartments. “What was that explosion?” “Who was screaming?” “Is everybody okay?” She shouldn’t be able to hear them so clearly, but that didn’t even register. There was only one thing she could think about.

            Somebody was trying to kill her.

            She reached for her phone, to call Kara and ask for Supergirl, only to find her phone in pieces and in a strange solid puddle. Her hands shaking, she threw on some clothes and put on the first shoes she could slip on, rushing out the door. Whoever it was and however they had done it, her apartment had already been a target and she needed to get away from it. Someplace crowded to shield her, perhaps. There was not living in fear and there was blind recklessness that served no purpose. She just needed to get someplace she could safely figure out what to do. It was a gamble because then other people could be at risk, but most likely the assassin would decide it was more difficult than was necessary and choose to wait until she went back home… maybe the office… somewhere else where she was easier to get to.

            She went to the bar, just trying to focus on the fact that she was going somewhere safe, trying to let that be her only thought so she didn’t slip farther into fear.

            It was for that reason that she pushed past the emotional overwhelm she inexplicably still felt radiating from the bar, entering.

            She started toward a table, beginning to calm, her focus on that thought lifting, or maybe slipping away from her control. Without warning, everything became loud- loud- **_loud_**. Her skull felt like it was about to split open as she heard fifty people speaking like they were right inside her head. Her stomach turned violently and she reached out blindly to the wall nearby to stop herself from falling, feeling vertigo like she had never experienced before in her life. She needed to get out of there but no part of her body would move. Everything seemed blurry and spinning in front of her eyes.

            She caught her name. Multiple times. One person? More?

            A face she couldn’t focus on. Felt familiar. Not to be afraid of.

            Hands touching her, gentle, coaxing her to move, helping her to the door.

            It wasn’t until they were a fair distance from the bar that everything in her head began to ease. Whether from terror or vertigo or something else she didn’t know, she barely had time to drop to her knees before she was vomiting. Her whole body was shaking and felt clammy.

            A hand was on her shoulder again, and she could peripherally see the owner crouching next to her. Words spoken in a slow and gentle voice met her ears. “You’re okay… You’re okay…” they said, repeated several times, almost like they weren’t sure she was hearing them.

            When she was finished and sat up, her eyes were watering and humiliation was beginning to set in. The vertigo had disappeared, and her head didn’t hurt as unbearably anymore. Finally, she turned to look at the person who had helped her.

            “Detective Sawyer,” Lena said, voice exhausted but grateful. She didn’t know Maggie well, but had encountered her a couple of times in connection to Alex, who likewise she had encountered a few times in connection to Kara. “I don’t quite know how to thank you,” she admitted. The trembling was starting to fade, knowing that any friend of Kara’s was someone she was safe with. She didn’t like having been seen in such a state – it really did go against everything she had been taught – but at the same time, she had no idea how she would have managed without the help.

            “No need,” she said, offering a reassuring smile. She started to rise a bit, extending a hand out to help Lena up as well. “There’s a park nearby. I think it’s got a drinking fountain.”

            Which would be nice, considering the highly unpleasant taste in her mouth. She nodded, wiping her hand on her skirt in an effort to remove the cold sweat. The effort was both embarrassing and pointless, but she hesitantly reached out anyway, because she wasn’t sure she could get to her feet on her own.

            Once they were both standing, Maggie put an arm around her, slow enough that Lena had time to object if she didn’t want it. Lena still seemed a bit unsteady and she didn’t want to let her fall. Especially considering that she had now noticed that Lena was wearing _heels_.

            Well, they had been the first thing she could get her feet into on the way out the door. She had sort of forgotten about practicality.

            Maggie helped her to the fountain, then to sit down on a bench nearby. Lena couldn’t help but to think it was somehow amusing, almost, that she was practically tracing last night’s steps. At least, she tried to find some small degree of amusement in it, because if she couldn't, pretty much all she had was overwhelm and fear.

            They sat in silence a while, Maggie not wanting to force her to talk but wishing she could help. It wasn’t like they knew each other that well, either, so she wasn’t so sure Lena would even want to talk to her about it. Honestly she suspected it to have been a panic attack or something, and a quite severe one at that. She wasn’t sure of her own ability to comfort her, but she knew someone who she was sure could. “Do you want me to call Kara for you?”

            Lena just nodded, feeling like she would cry if she tried to speak.

            Since Lena didn’t reach for her phone, Maggie pulled her own from her pocket. It was the middle of the night, but she knew for a fact that under the circumstances Kara would much rather they call her than not.

            A sleepy but slightly panicked voice greeted her. “Maggie? Is Alex—”

            “‘S okay, Little Danvers. Nobody’s hurt. But I think Lena…” Lena what? She wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence, so instead she held out the phone to Lena. “Do you want to talk to her?”

            She shook her head. She was barely keeping back her tears as it was, and she just knew that if she heard Kara’s voice…

            “Do you want her to come over here?”

            Lena nodded.

            “Okay.” She put the phone back up to her ear. “I think she could use one of your signature hugs,” she said, finally finishing the sentence. She gave Kara the location of the park.

            “Okay, I’ll be there really soon.” As in, she would fly her fastest, not even thinking about the fact that traveling a 10 minute drive in under a minute could prompt suspicion. She was slowed only by having to travel the distance from the nearest alleyway to the park by foot.

            Fortunately for her, neither of them had any idea how much time had passed. Sitting there on the park bench, Lena barely holding back tears and Maggie wishing there was more she could do, it still felt like an eternity.

            “Lena!” she called out as soon as she guessed herself to be within human earshot. Never mind that she was shouting across the park in the dead of the night and people in the nearby apartments probably didn’t appreciate that.

            She stood on unsteady legs, but other than that let Kara come to her.

            Kara started to run, wishing she could use her superspeed to get there immediately. When she finally reached her, she opened her arms and Lena all but fell into them, tears starting immediately.

            Maggie stood from the bench as well, taking a step away, feeling like she was intruding on something private and imagining Lena would feel more comfortable if it was just her and Kara. “I’m gonna go now, give you two some space. I hope you feel better, Lena.” Alex had been Danvers, Kara was Little Danvers, James was Olsen, but she knew enough that Lena was Lena.

            After everything, Lena was terrified and still horribly overwhelmed, she had no idea what had been happening to her lately, and she was deeply embarrassed to be seen like this but also deeply grateful for the help and support she had received. She was definitely not someone who outright cried easily, but between everything, soon she was sobbing into Kara’s shoulder.

            Kara held her close, rubbing her back, murmuring promises that everything was going to be okay, she was there, and she wasn’t going anywhere. After a while she felt Lena lean into her more heavily, like Lena’s legs had given out, but she effortlessly held her, keeping her steady and upright.

            “I’m scared,” was the first thing she said when her voice finally seemed inclined to work again. Normally she didn’t like to confess things like that, to leave it open and unqualified, but there was no hiding anything right now. Her whole body shook with sobs, and there was no disguising the vulnerability or break in her voice.

            Her heart felt like it was in pieces, seeing Lena this upset, but it seemed to break even further with those words. Lena had had too many near-death experiences already, but she had never seen her like this after them. Whatever it was, she would protect Lena with her life, and there wasn’t a lot she couldn’t protect her from. Belatedly, she realized and felt touched by the fact that Lena had been scared and sought out _her_ , not Supergirl. Of course they were the same person in the end, but it somehow felt extra nice to be believed in as plain old Kara Danvers. “You’re safe,” she promised. “I’m here, and you’ve always got Supergirl, too.”

            She nodded. Supergirl could protect her from the assassin, at least. But whatever was happening in her head, she didn’t know if anyone would be able to sort that out. She had no idea what that was, and she had no reason to believe either Kara or Supergirl would have any idea either, and that terrified her just as much as any assassin. Maybe more. An assassin she could escape…

            After a few minutes, Lena’s sobs were beginning to abate, much to both their relief. But even when the tears stopped, it took some time for her breathing to even out. “I think something is wrong with me,” she confessed after another minute, still interrupted by a small hiccup.

            Kara first instinct was to say that nothing was wrong with her, because Lena was practically perfect in her eyes, but she realized quickly that she needed to know what was being referred to. “Something like what?” Oh, god, what if Lena was sick, like, _seriously_ sick? What if Lena was dying?

            “I don’t know.”

            Whatever was making her think that, Kara realized that’s what Lena was afraid of. She was afraid too, but she did her best to hide it. Lena needed her to be calm right now, not to panic right alongside her. “Okay. How about… start from the beginning?”

            She had been focusing on trying to calm her breathing, and finally the hiccups faded away. She couldn’t believe she had cried so hard, and _in front of_ somebody, no less. “We’ll be here a while.”

            “That’s okay. Or, maybe we could go somewhere more comfortable? Your place is close by, right? Or else we could go to mine.”

            Her eyes widened as she realized that at the park they were sitting ducks. But her apartment had already been targeted once, and she didn’t want to risk Kara’s being targeted too. She didn’t want to risk Kara being hurt. “Actually, I don’t know. I think somebody might be trying to kill me.”

            Whoever it was, they were probably no match for Supergirl, but unfortunately she couldn’t show Lena that Supergirl was there for her while also being there for her herself. And there was no way Kara was going to let Lena think she had abandoned her. Well… there was one way. Alex wasn’t going to be happy with her for this, but if it helped Lena, she didn’t care. “I’ll protect you,” she promised.

            Kara stepped back, revealing that Lena couldn’t decide whether to be confused or worried. “I wasn’t going to have telling you be some spur of the moment thing, but I think you should know now.” She pulled her hair free of the quick, messy ponytail she had put it into in a rush. Took off her glasses. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” She began unbuttoning her shirt.

            Lena had a strong suspicion as soon as Kara’s glasses came off, but she hadn’t wanted to admit it. She was forced to realize it when Kara revealed the crest on the suit beneath her shirt, however. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, making no effort to hide the betrayal. Was it because she was a Luthor? She had thought that Kara trusted her. She had trusted Kara with her life and her _heart_. And yet Kara kept such a huge secret from her.

            “I’m sorry,” she said again. “Ever since I came to Earth, I was taught to hide it, always. That I’m an alien. So I couldn’t tell you in the beginning, and then I just… When is the right time to tell someone that? And then—I’m sorry, maybe it was wrong of me, but… you started talking about how happy you were to have _two_ friends, and I didn’t have the heart to… tell you they’re both me. So I thought I’d wait until you were friends with the rest of my friends, and then you’d have other friends too. But I don’t want you to think that Supergirl or Kara isn’t here for you right now.”

            As Kara rambled, Lena knew she couldn’t be upset with her. Now more than ever, because she really needed her, and her reasons seemed to be… not ill-intended, at least, nor from a lack of trust. “Well, thank you for telling me now. Then… yes, if you don’t mind, I would like to come over.” She paused, then suddenly smiled.

            Kara didn’t want to question it, because she was always glad to see Lena happy – especially right now after seeing her in so much pain – but she couldn’t help the curious look she gave.

            “I’m sorry, it’s…” She shook her head lightly. “You saw me fall apart, but you’re still here.”

            There was genuine _wonder_ in Lena’s voice. How many people must have hurt her for her to find that… noteworthy, let alone so remarkable? She pulled Lena into a tight hug, squeezing as much as she could without potentially hurting her. “Of course I am.” She didn’t know what else to say.

            Only Kara, she couldn’t help but to think. Maybe it had something to do with Kara being an alien. After all, Supergirl’s whole thing was always believing in people… But whatever the reason, she was grateful for it. She hugged Kara just as tightly, lingering for a while before pulling away. Kara gave hugs so freely, and when Lena was upset, never withdrew them until Lena indicated she was ready. That, too, was new to her.

            “So, um, I actually flew here…” Kara began, indicating that she didn’t have a car anywhere in the vicinity.

            A memory suddenly clicked. This certainly explained the bizarre answer she had gotten that day… “Not on a bus?”

            She blushed. “Um. Right. Anyway, I can fly you, if you’d like?”

            Lena thought of her nightmare. How tonight she had dreamed, not for the first time, of dying in that helicopter. How real it had felt this time. But it was just a dream. She didn’t like flying to begin with, but she trusted Kara. Kara also wasn’t a plane that could catch on fire or otherwise crash, leaving her plummeting to her death. “Okay.”

            In the blink of an eye, Kara was dressed only as Supergirl. She picked Lena up, holding her bridal style in her arms.

            Lena wrapped her arms around Kara, tucking her face into Kara’s shoulder. Some other time she would push herself to look down, but today it was unnecessary and she was concerned because of the vertigo from earlier. The last thing she wanted was… literally any part of what had happened earlier to occur again. Especially in Kara’s arms.

            “Everything okay?” she asked at the way Lena pressed into her, clinging tightly.

            She nodded. “Flying isn’t exactly my favorite mode of transportation. I don’t mind it, but I’m not quite ready to look down at the city.” Saying she didn't mind it was a little bit of an overstatement, but she could tolerate it. As long as Kara's arms were around her, she knew she was safe, no matter how automatically the fear of flying kicked in anyway.

            “That makes sense. Do you want me to go slow?”

            From what she had seen, flying slowly was a bit of an oxymoron, particularly for Supergirl. She appreciated the offer though. “No, just fly as you usually do. I’ll be fine.”

            Kara nodded, waited a moment longer in case Lena wanted to change her mind, then flew off.


End file.
